Space Oddity: A Newsies Halloween Adventure
by stillgoldie1899
Summary: A blatant concept rip-off, by way of Life on Mars. AU-ish.  Jack and some of the lads are hit by a flaming trolly, and wake up in a strange land. What sort of madness is this? Death? Aliens? Drugs? Kloppman's sausages? Chapter 2 now up! Completed.
1. Chapter 1

It was the day before All Saint's Day, which meant nothing to Jack, of course, but some of the other newsies, the Irish, or Scottish ones, seemed to think it was important somehow. They thought it would be fun to dress up, and run around causing havoc. Jack had managed to convince them not to, but it was a close thing. Instead, a small pack of them were going to go to Irving Hall to catch a show. Race, and Blink, and Mush, and Skit, and David, but not Sarah, because she apparently had too much work to do. It seemed to Jack that that was happening a lot lately...

As they walked, they joked around, being generally rowdy, as newsies were wont to do. Irving Hall was just half a block away, and already Jack could hear music drifting out of it, a strange new song Jack had never heard before. This is ground control to Major Tom, you've really made the grade? Who was Major Tom, and what was ground control? What grade was he supposed to be making? What on earth was Medda doing? What the heck sort of music was this? Jack was starting to have second thoughts, clearly Medda was going senile, when abruptly, he heard a shrieking sort of noise, terrible, like metal on metal, and crashing wood, and the world ending. As it happened, it wasn't quite the world ending, but it was a trolly, derailed, on fire, and crashing towards them at what seemed like a million miles an hour. It hit him, and the others, knocking them completely sideways, scattering them like rats.

Jack didn't think he'd ever open his eyes. Everything hurt, but not in a terrible way, just in a knocked-to-the-ground sort of way. He did, however, know he wasn't dead, because he could still hear that weird song Medda had been playing, although it seemed to be louder for some reason. Perhaps the trolly had knocked them into Irving Hall?

"Race? Blink? Skit? David? Mush?" Jack was actually sort of afraid to open his eyes. He could feel cobble streets beneath him, but they felt weird, too worn, unnaturally uneven, as though too much time had passed. And he was afraid that the others might be dead.

"I'm gonna kill that goddamn trolly driver, if he ain't already dead." Race, at least wasn't dead.

"I feel like they were tryin to knock me good eye out..." Blink was alive as well, it seemed.

"Of course. Why not end the day gettin hit by a flamin trolly? Great. Just fuckin great." Skit, grumpy as ever, was apparently unharmed.

"Nearly broke my arm...I can't afford a hospital..." Mush sounded miserable.

"Um, fellas? Where the hell are we?" David brought up an interesting point, and one that forced Jack to open his eyes.

The first thing that stuck him was that the trolly was covered in strange ads, was missing it's cables, and was not in flames, or crashing. The next thing that struck him was that the buildings were too short, and completely unfamiliar. And, the most important thing, they were being surrounded by a large pack of very oddly dressed people.

The trolly driver was pushing through the crowd, his hat at an odd angle, coat apparently missing. "Where the hell did you boys come from? I didn't see you! Nobody saw them, right? Until they went flying! I did not hit them! I am not losing my license over a pack of drunk idiots! They were not there! Goddamnit, I hate Halloween!"

Jack got to his feet, fighting off a sense of panic, the others joining him, and gathering a bit, leaving a ring of open space in a circle around them, between them and the crowd.

One voice came clearly through the crowd, a large man in what appeared to be a Roman toga. "Awesome stunt, man, but what the hell are they supposed to be?"

Another voice pipped up, a girl who was clearly a whore, but a strangely dressed whore, all fishnets and a skirt that ended at her knees, and a top that read "NCIS". She was also wearing a white coat, and her black hair was in pigtails, which looked a bit childish next to all the black leather straps she was wearing all over her arms and neck. "They're newsies..."

"Like the Disney move? Laaaaame." The crowd started to dissipate, and fade away onto side streets. The trolly driver was raving about not being drunk, but was slowly being quieted, and ushered back onto his trolly. It began to move again, almost brushing past Jack, on wheels of it's own, not on a track, as though drawn by horses, although there were no horses in sight.

Everyone, it seemed, had lost interest in them, except for the girl dressed as a whore, who was staring at them, arms crossed over her chest. For the moment, Jack decided to ignore her, and huddled with the others.

"What the hell is goin on, Jack?" Blink was making faces, the way he always did when he was upset.

"Where the hell are we is a better question, Blink." David, always the voice of reason, was clearly on the edge of panic as well.

"I don't like this, guys. Maybe we should try walkin?" Mush looked like a lost puppy.

"Maybe we should just sit on the ground and wait for things to go back to normal." Skit's voice was dripping with sarcastic venom, directed at Mush.

Race smacked Skit on the back of the head. "Don't be an ass, Skit. Ya ain't bein helpful."

"Guys! Guys...ok. Something weird has happened. Dunno what, yet, but this ain't lookin a lot like New York. We need to figure out where we are, who these wackados are, and how we're gonna get back to the lodgin house. Ok?"

Before Jack could say anything else, the girl, who apparently had been eavesdropping, interrupted.

"Lodging House? You -are- newsies! I knew it." Jack turned, and raised his eyebrow at her as she grinned and shook her head. "My boyfriend and I went as newsies a few years ago, and my costume was good, but yours look professional. Very nicely done. Are you in the fandom? Online? James' just at CVS, he'll be back in a moment, and he'll want to see your costumes..."

"Fandom?" Mush's voice got a bit faint.

"Online?" David added.

"Yeah, you know...the NML? The old Union? RPGs? Fanfic? ?" The girl shook her head. "Guess not. Shame, we could use some more guys in the fandom. Especially cute ones like you all...Of course, you're probably gay. What're your names? I'm Ria, but I go by Goldilocks online. You may have heard of me. I used to be important. Kinda."

"Ya not makin any sense, -Goldilocks-. What the hell is online, and where the hell are we, and what exactly do ya think ya know about newsies?" Jack frowned at her, wondering where she got the nickname Goldilocks if her hair was black.

The girl seemed to bristle. "Look, I've been in the fandom since 1997, buddy. Don't need to get all sarcastic with me. Forget I said anything." She turned, and started to walk away.

David grabbed her arm, his eyes wide. "Wait...you said 1997. What are you talking about?"

The girl raised her eyebrow. "I was talking about having been a fan since I saw the movie in 1997. 14 years ago."

David let go of her arm, going pale. "You're saying it's...2011? The -year- 2011?"

"Yeah, it's the year 2011. Monday, October 31, 2011. Haunted Happenings? In the heart of historic Salem? How hard did that trolly hit you?" The girl seemed to shrug when she was distracted, waving at a tall boy in a strange grey suit, crisp and clean, but with a strange cut. He seemed to have some strange sort of badge hanging from a pocket, that also said "NCIS", and a white bag on his arm with red writing on it, and he was frowning faintly.

"Know these guys, bunny?" The girl leaned up and kissed his cheek before shaking her head.

"Nah. They got hit by a trolly, and I recognized them as newsies. Good costumes, right?"

"They got hit by a trolly?" The guy, who Jack assumed was the James the girl had been talking about, folded her protectively in his arms.

"Yeah. And they seem confused as to where they are. Very Life on Mars. I'm sick of the crowds, can we go home now?" She laughed, and moved to walk away.

"Sure. But we should watch that when we get home...Life on Mars, I mean." The boy agreed as they wandered off.

"American or UK?" Jack blinked, and was left sort of speechless. What on earth were these people talking about?

"American. Snappy white shoes!" And the couple faded off down a side alley next to a shop advertizing coffee.

Jack gave the others a confused look. "What the hell was that about?"

"I got no idea, but this ain't New York. How'd we get here?" Skit crossed his arms, and leaned against a nearby brick wall.

"The girl said something about it being Salem. Salem, Massachusetts, you think?" David, ever practical, seemed to be taking it better then anyone else.

"She also said it was 2011. She was clearly nuts. Everyone here is outta their minds. It's like some kinda freak show took over the entire town." Blink was flailing. Literally, flailing.

"How did we -get- here is the question!" Jack was getting a bit exasperated, and a bit nervous.

There was silence for a long moment before Mush put voice to what they were all thinking. "Are we dead? Is this...the other side?"

"If this is the other side, I don't like it. It's full of weirdos." Race seemed very adamant.

"Maybe it was Martians." Skit pipped up.

"-Martians-?" David and Jack chorused.

"Yeah, Martians. The Martians. Ya know, the people what live on Mars. Folks've seen faces on Mars, and things, and some say they're gonna come and attack us." Jack was never quite sure where Skit got his strange ideas, but he had them.

"Skit...why would Martians put us in Salem?" Blink shook his head. He'd managed to tame his flailing into twitching.

"Maybe they took us, and we went all the way to Mars, and then all the way back, and we was travelin so fast that time stood still for us, but over a hundred years passed while we were gone, and the Martians ain't from here, so they couldn't tell the difference between New York and Salem, so this was where they dumped us." Skit was picking up steam, this all seemed to make sense to him.

"Why don't we remember any of this, then?" Race crossed his arms for a moment, and then sighed, reaching into his vest for his cigar and a match.

"Mind probes. We should all check our heads for holes..." Skit whipped his hat off and started patting his head.

Blink was about to comment when a girl even less dressed then the first, and clearly drunk, unlike the first, attached herself to his arm. "You're cuuute! What hotel are you staying at? Can I kiss you?" And without waiting for a reply, kissed him.

Jack blinked. Who the hell was that? And why was Blink getting kissed? Before he could ask, another girl, in an outfit similar to the girl kissing Blink's outfit attached herself to Mush. "You guys go to school around here? We're going to Dodge Street! You could come with us!"

A third girl jumped on Race's back, wearing what looked like a tiny bumble-bee costume. "I like your vest! Come drink with us!"

Race stumbled, and nearly fell over, dropping his cigar. Jack was starting to think the first girl was the safest person they were likely to encounter. He backed away slightly. They were being attacked by crazy, rabid whores, and he had no idea how to hide from them. He caught Mush's eye, and nodded at Race, who stumbled into Blink, trying to shake the bumble-bee off of his back.

Taking Race's cue, Blink managed to disentangle himself from the girl who was intent on kissing him, and Mush wiggled free of his admirer. Race, in a move that Jack was actually impressed by, flipped the bumble-bee over his head, leaving her on the ground as all six of them took off at a run.

As they bolted down the cobble street, Skit bellowed over his shoulder. "I'm tellin ya! Martians!"

**Author's Note: Where am I going with this? I have no idea! I might not go anywhere at all! Happy Halloween!**


	2. Chapter 2

Jack led the pack as they bolted through the enormous crowds, more terrifying then anything he'd ever seen. As they ran, he saw clowns and demons and devils and pirates and knights and ghosts. Most of the women seemed to be whores, and there were a lot of people running around with velvet cloaks in brilliant colors. The further into the crowd Jack got, the more he was starting to believe they were all dead, and this was hell.

Eventually, after zig zagging slightly, they came to a large park, filled with brightly lit sausage stands and other various venders. Jack slowed a bit, only to have Blink run into him, sending him flying. A moment later, Blink landed on Jack when Mush ran into Blink. Mush fell when Skit tripped on a tree root, and went flying into him, the both of them landing on top of Blink and Jack. Race stumbled, but managed to stay upright, while David looked down at the rest of them, arms crossed, as though the rest of them were a tired comedy act he'd seen too many times.

"Get off me!" Jack managed to gasp, and eventually managed to get to his feet after the others got off of him. "Did we lose 'em?"

"I think so." Skit glanced around, worried.

"What the hell was that about?" Blink wanted to know, shaking his head.

"I think we're dead. I really think we're dead." Mush sounded seriously shaken, and he did not look his usual cheerful self.

"There wouldn't be crazy whores in heaven, ya idiot." Race snapped, looking concerned. Jack knew he was pretty religious, but a bit lax about actually going to church.

"Maybe it's hell." Skit sighed.

"Guys, I think there has to be a more logical explanation here." David was doing that tiresome thing he did where he tried to be the voice of reason.

"That so? Explain all this, then, Mr. Smarty-pants!" Jack finally snapped, beginning to lose it.

"Maybe this is a hallucination. Did you think about that? Maybe we're all just imagining all of this. We did all just eat at Tibby's. Someone might have spiked our food or drinks." David offered, shrugging.

Annoyed, Jack punched his shoulder, hard. "Not a dream, David."

David winced, and shied away, scowling, rubbing his arm. "I didn't say a dream, although a coma is another option. I said a hallucination. A group hallucination. We're in Salem, after all. I had a teacher suggest once that it was possible everyone just hallucinated the events that lead to the women and men being killed as witches here."

"That girl kissed really real, David." Blink shook his head. "No way it was a hallucination."

David sighed. "Well, that's the thing about hallucinations. They seem real. Still, you're right. This is very vivid. I just can't come up with anything more logical."

"Except bein dead." Race grumbled. "If we're dead, then this is real, and we're really dead. And hell is a hell of a lot worse then I thought it'd be. Or better. I dunno. Some of these girls are kinda cute...I could get used to 'em all dressin like this..." He glanced around, and shrugged.

"Anyone notice that there's all these, like, carriages, and they're all movin, only there's no horses?" Mush pipped up, out of the blue, staring at the road that ringed the park.

"I'd noticed, but asumed they just ran like small trains." David offered, moving a bit closer to the road. "I sort of see steam coming from a pipe along the back of them...And several seem large enough to be trains. But they don't have any tracks..."

"David, don't get too close to those things." Jack warned. David, however, seemed to ignore him, and when the small trains all stopped for some reason, he moved closer still, bending down to study the pipe from the back of one of them.

The others sort of followed, Jack at the back of the pack, glancing around behind him. Maybe one of these tiny trains could get them to New York?

The thought hadn't barely crossed his mind when they all started moving again, and the very large one that had been stopped behind the tiny train David was studying began to move, as though the man driving it hadn't seen him. Without thinking, Jack lunged forward, knocking into Race, who knocked into Blink, who shoved Skit, who knocked over Mush, who landed on David, and all of them found themselves under the wheels of the large tiny train.

A shiny metal grill seemed to hit them all at the same time, knocking them all into the tiny train David had been studying, and then onto the ground with loud screeching and the smell of burning.

For the second time that evening, Jack was afraid to open his eyes, although he could sort of gently hear the strains of Lovey Dovey baby, if he listened really closely. The sound of crowds was still there, the chatter of voices, although the strange noise the tiny trains made seemed to have faded a bit.

He just lay there for a moment, before croaking, "Race? Blink? Skit? David? Mush?"

"There had damn well better be cute girls, if we're someplace different." Came Race's voice.

"I think I'll be feelin that metal bit on the front for the next month." Complained Blink.

" You're right, Jack. That hurt too badly to be a hallucination..." Even David sounded shaken.

"Guys! Flamin trolly!" Mush actually sounded excited, however. His excitement caused Jack to open his eyes. What he saw filled him with a sense of relief.

"Holy hell! We're back, boys!" Jack struggled to his feet, feeling as though he'd been hit by a train, or at least a flaming trolly. Which he had been.

"Was it actually all a dream?" David was struggling to his feet as well, and Jack could hear police whistles in the distance, getting closer.

"Couldn't have been." Race was hunting down his hat, which had flown into a nearby alley, hobbling.

"It was so real though..." Blink sighed a bit, and remained sitting.

"Easy for ya to say, Blink. Ya got kissed." Skit, as always, had something to grump about. In this case, he managed to keep from complaining about his left shoe, which he had to put back on, as it had gotten knocked from him.

The trolly had hit them, and thrown them all clear before ramming into the building next to Irving Hall. It had collapsed the first floor wall, and Jack could see the rest of the building was likely going to crumble. Screaming people were struggling over wreckage to get out the front, and Jack could see people on the fire escape along the alley. They were very lucky to not be dead, he realized.

"Ya know...I ain't really feelin like a show to night, fellas." Jack said slowly as he watched the building's bricks begin to fall onto what was left of the trolly.

"Me neither. I wanna go to bed." Mush agreed.

"Lets get the hell back to the lodgin house..." Race got his hat firmly on his head, and patted his pockets for his cigar, frowning when he didn't find it.

As they walked in the direction of Duane street, dodging policemen, and firemen, who were now swarming over the building and trolly wreckage, Blink pipped up. "But what, exactly, did NCIS mean?"

"Huh?" David asked.

"On the girl's shirt. Goldilocks. Her shirt said NCIS. What's that even mean?" Blink shook his head.

"I don't wanna know." Skit said with finality.

"Newsie Comfort Information System?" Blink wondered, out loud. "Nebraska Central Ice Sculptors? Norse Canal Independent Ships?"

Jack and David's voices echoed in unison. "Blink, shut up."

**The End!**

**Author's Note: I'm aware this ended really abruptly. Honestly, I could have made it go on forever, ripping on Salem and Halloween. But it seemed silly, and I wanted to end it, tidy like, without getting -too- campy. I hope you enjoyed it! **


End file.
